


Don't Think Of An Elephant

by aoigensou



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Friends to Lovers, Kinkalot, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Seriously these two are actual idiots, Sex Magic, Two Sides of the Same Idiot, get it together boys, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25749562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoigensou/pseuds/aoigensou
Summary: The problem with telling oneself not to think of something was that it was then impossiblenotto think of that thing.Written for Kinkalot 2020 Bonus Challenge #1: Sex Magic!
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 129
Collections: Kinkalot 2020





	Don't Think Of An Elephant

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FervidAsAFlame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FervidAsAFlame/gifts).



> Thanks Tori, without you this wouldn't exist!! 💗💗💗 Think of this as a belated birthday gift!

Looking back on it, Arthur could pinpoint the exact moment his love life went off the rails.

He had been in a pub with Merlin having a pint after work, catching up and just having an enjoyable evening together. They hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks and it was nice to just hang out with him. He’d always had a low level crush on Merlin, ever since they’d met years before, but it wasn’t ever anything that got in the way of their friendship. It was something that Arthur was able to take out from time to time, examine, and put neatly back into a tidy little box in his brain labeled, “Things That Will Ruin The Best Friendship I Have So Best To Keep A Lid On All That, Yeah?” And for the most part it worked for Arthur. He and Merlin would meet up when both of them had a free evening, Arthur would have a passing thought about wanting to see what Merlin’s cock tasted like, he would banish said thought to the ether, and they’d have a good time with Merlin none the wiser. It was easy. Well, easy wasn’t the word for it. It was… simple, in theory.

That is, until Merlin snorted into his beer at seemingly nothing.

“What?” Arthur asked, raising his eyebrows at the sudden outburst. Merlin turned to look over his shoulder and Arthur followed his gaze to a couple at a nearby table in the middle of, from what Arthur could glean based on body language and not much else, what seemed to be a fairly bland date.

“She is gagging for it,” Merlin said with a conspiratorial grin, turning back to Arthur and raising his glass in mock salute to the couple.

“She is not,” Arthur argued. He had seen more inviting body language on a corpse. She was leaned back away from him, arms crossed over her chest, with an unimpressed look on her face. He shook his head, silently offering the lad his condolences at what seemed to be a lost cause at getting laid.

“Trust me, she is,” Merlin insisted. Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Okay then, Doctor Love, what on earth makes you think she is in any way interested in him?” Arthur asked, before taking a sip from his pint. “I haven’t seen anyone giving off more ‘fuck off and die, mate,’ vibes since Morgana’s last attempt at dating a man.”

“Yeah, she seems kind of aloof, but trust me. My magic does this fizzy, tingly thing when it comes across someone especially horny, and she is making me feel like I’m bathing in Fanta right now,” Merlin said. Arthur coughed, choking on a mouthful of lager at Merlin’s matter-of-fact statement.

“What??” he asked, his voice embarrassingly high-pitched, wondering if he’d ever been ‘especially horny’ in Merlin’s presence. There were times where Merlin’s presence was all that was needed to get his libido interested. 

“Did I never tell you?” Merlin asked, all false innocence that Arthur wanted to smack off his face. The face that was poorly disguising a smirk. “It’s quite useful for going out on the pull. You know how Gwaine says I’m the world’s best wingman? That’s why.”

“You little shit,” Arthur growled, feeling his face heat with embarrassment. “You must have so much blackmail material on everyone. More to the point, what kind of stupid power is sensing the level of someone’s horniness?”

Merlin laughed, shrugging. “Blackmail material? Probably. I don’t usually notice it much any more to be honest. And it’s not as though I know what’s causing the horniness in the person. For all I know, that girl watched her favourite porn before her date and is thinking about it right now.” He shrugged, as if it were no big deal.

“No way, no,” Arthur said. “You can’t just play this off like it isn’t a big deal. Why didn’t you tell me about it before this?”

Merlin shrugged again. “Honestly it’s more of a nuisance than anything. Telling people about my magic is one thing, but giving specifics about the quirkier bits of it is just…” He sighed, and Arthur felt a bit bad for a moment. When Merlin had come clean to him about his magic early in their friendship, it had been a lot to take in, Imagining Merlin telling him _this_ on top of it, and he knew he probably wouldn’t have reacted well. But still, Arthur almost felt as though his privacy had been violated, even if it wasn’t something Merlin could control.

Merlin eventually changed the subject to the football game playing on the telly above the bar, but Arthur wasn’t able to switch tracks that quickly. He kept spacing out the rest of the night, trying to catalog every instance where Merlin had given him even half an erection, feeling his stomach churn with humiliation at the thought of having been caught. Even if Merlin didn’t know the reason behind it.

From that night forward, Arthur vowed to make sure every single thought he had in Merlin’s presence was platonic. It was simple. In theory.

***

The problem with telling oneself not to think of something was that it was then impossible _not_ to think of that thing.

He did everything he could to try and curb his simmering lust for Merlin before they met up. He meditated, he watched old episodes of Bake Off— which he thought was one of the most calming shows on earth regardless of the competition nature of it— he cleaned his flat from top to bottom. He wanked— oh how he wanked, more often than he had than when he was a teenager, even— to porn with people that looked nothing like Merlin. When they met up, he did his utmost to try and think the unsexiest thoughts he possibly could.

But then he would catch Merlin giving him a look out of the corner of his eye, his gaze lingering just a little too long on Arthur, and his thoughts spiraled. Was he feeling lustful at that moment and just didn’t realise it? Could Merlin feel it? And imagining Merlin feeling his lust just made his brain light up with different scenarios in which they would fuck like randy little bunnies all over Arthur’s flat, Merlin’s flat, their regular table in their favourite pub.

It always ended up with Arthur, sporting the start of an impressive erection, excusing himself early— he hoped before Merlin’s magic had a chance to actually detect his burning need— and rushing home to berate himself for his loss of control. Each time he pretended not to notice the hurt look on Merlin’s face when he bowed out before he normally would before, hoping his friend would understand and forgive him.

When it got to the point that Arthur was unable to focus on anything other than not thinking un-platonic thoughts of Merlin— _Merlin on his knees, sucking Arthurs cock; Merlin on his knees, holding his arse cheeks open so Arthur could eat him out; Merlin on his back, wanking to give Arthur a private show; Merlin clothed and Merlin naked and Merlin Merlin Merlin_ — he began begging off their weekly get-togethers. At first he blamed work, then family obligations— though he knew that excuse wouldn’t fly for long considering Merlin was friends with Morgana and Morgana would absolutely not lie for Arthur— then headaches or whatever sort of not-feeling-well-just-enough-to-not-cause-too-much-worry malady he could think of.

Before he knew it, three months had passed since he had seen Merlin in person. He made sure to keep up with him via text and phone, he didn’t want to lose Merlin’s friendship after all, but it was just getting too difficult to see him in person.

His social life suffered as a consequence, as Arthur was rather more of a homebody when given the chance and Merlin was always the one to coerce him into going out and being social. Most of his other friendships were of the let’s-meet-up-twice-a-year-for-footie-and-drinks sort, so Arthur didn’t mind the time alone he suddenly found himself with on weekends.

God how he missed seeing Merlin in person, though. Even if it was for the best.

***

A knock came at the door one weeknight when Arthur was four hours deep in a QI marathon, paper carton of cold leftover chinese on his lap with a fork stuck straight up in the noodles. He pointed the remote at the telly to mute it and considered ignoring it, figuring anyone who didn’t give him a head’s up when they were planning on coming over deserved to be left thinking he wasn’t home. That plan flew out the window, however, when the second knock was accompanied by a voice.

“Arthur I know you’re in, you’re always home on Thursday nights,” Merlin said through the door, loud enough to be heard without Arthur straining himself. The unexpectedness of having Merlin show up at his door unannounced made him scramble up from the slouch he had slumped into in his favourite spot on the couch, the chinese food almost falling off his lap with the suddenness of the motion. He set it aside on the coffee table, also cluttered with weeks’ worth of unopened mail and a collection of empty beer cans, and brushed off any crumbs or fallen bits from his shirt. He hastily looked around at the mess of discarded socks and other odds and ends he hadn’t bothered cleaning up in several days.

“Hold on,” he called, gathering the cans up in one swoop of his arms to deposit in the recycling bin in the kitchen.

“Don’t bother cleaning up, I know what kind of slob you are,” Merlin called out, and Arthur rolled his eyes. Just because he had been a slob in uni— and okay fine, also the early days of his career— didn’t mean he still was now that he was an older, wiser, productive member of society. Except it totally did, he thought wryly as he surveyed his mess. He really ought to hire a maid.

“If you don’t open up I’ll just let myself in,” Merlin threatened a moment later. Arthur finally gave up cleaning as a bad job and sighed, walking to the door to unlock it and hold it open. Merlin was a man of his word, and he had shown Arthur once how easy it was for him to pick locks with his magic. Better to give up with dignity than struggle and lose anyway, at least when it came to Merlin.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he grumbled. “Couldn’t have warned me you were coming over so I could tidy, could you?”

Merlin entered, looking around the flat with an amused snort then back at Arthur and gave him a once-over that made him wish he had worn something other than his faded old uni T-shirt and a pair of sweats. “Exciting night planned then?”

“You know me. I was murdering some leftover takeaway and watching reruns. The fun never stops,” Arthur said, shutting the door and busying himself by picking up the socks he had a bad habit of removing in the doorway the moment his shoes came off each evening.

“Another thrilling night in the life of Arthur Pendragon,” Merlin joked, his bright grin dimming after a moment. Arthur wanted nothing more than to go over to him and tease and cajole him until the grin returned to its usual brilliance, but instead he simply stood there with his hands full of smelly old socks, gormless and useless.

“Is something wrong?” he asked finally, breaking the stalemate of silence that had fallen over them. Merlin shrugged.

“You tell me. You've been dodging me the past few months, but I feel like I haven’t seen you for _years_. Even before you started dodging me, though, you were acting really strange. Did I do something wrong?” Merlin wrapped his arms around himself and laughed, sounding forced. “Did I say something to upset you, or do something weird?”

“No Merlin, you didn’t,” Arthur said, trying to console him. He dropped the socks on the dining table and moved to stand in front of Merlin, putting his hands on his shoulders. “You didn’t do anything, not really. It’s me. I just…” He trailed off, not knowing how to explain what was wrong without sounding like a complete muppet at best, or a pervert out to ruin their friendship at worst.

“If you’re seeing someone and you don’t want me to know about it, you can tell me you know,” Merlin said. Arthur stared at him, not comprehending the words that had come from him.

“What?” he asked, blinking.

“Oh come on,” Merlin said. “I know you’re not stupid. If you’re afraid you’re going to hurt my feelings by starting a relationship with someone, I promise I’m a big boy and can handle it.”

“Okay.” He took a deep breath and tried to follow Merlin’s line of thought, but found it impossible. “Not that I _have_ started a relationship or anything, but for the sake of argument why would I think you couldn’t handle it?” Arthur asked, feeling lost. This was not where he thought this was going.

“Arthur, don’t make me say it,” Merlin pleaded, but Arthur had no idea what Merlin was on about.

“Sorry, but I need you to,” he said, his hands dropping from Merlin’s shoulders to his upper arms and squeezing in what he hoped was a reassuring way.

“You have to know that I’m arse over tits for you,” Merlin said, looking at the floor and sounding miserable, gently pulling himself away from Arthur’s grip and stepping back. Arthur saw the tips of his ears go red, and felt his own heartbeat speed up. “I figured that you sussed that out, and that’s why you got weird about us hanging out. Around that time, my magic started… freaking out around you? Like, getting really fizzy at random moments. Then you stopped hanging out with me altogether, so I thought you started seeing someone and just didn’t want to let me down.”

“Merlin…” Arthur said, reeling from the confession.

“But it’s fine!” Merlin interrupted, all false brightness as he looked up and met Arthur’s eyes, as if Arthur wouldn’t notice the shine of tears in his eyes. “Like I said, I’m a big boy and I’ll get over it. So you can stop avoiding me, you prat.”

“I wasn’t avoiding you!” Arthur argued, but the skeptical look Merlin gave him made him put his hands up placatingly. “Fine, I was avoiding you. But it wasn’t for the reason you’re thinking.”

“Really,” Merlin asked, making it sound more like a statement that he didn’t believe one bit.

“I swear. It’s… do you want to sit down? Can I get you something to drink?” Arthur asked, gesturing to the sofa that was thankfully clean of any food debris regardless of his slobby habits.

“You’re stalling, Pendragon,” Merlin said, but moved to sit at one end of the sofa. Arthur followed, sitting at the other.

“I just don’t know how to say this without sounding like an absolute nutter,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

“Just say it, it’s not like I’m going to judge you,” Merlin said, offering him a small smile. Arthur returned it, before grimacing and tucking a foot underneath himself as he tried to get comfortable for what he was sure would be a pretty uncomfortable conversation.

“You might,” he said. Merlin shook his head with a roll of his eyes.

“I’ve seen you pissed and trying to chat up old women, and I didn’t judge you then. Well, much.” Merlin grinned at Arthur, who groaned at the memory.

“God, don’t remind me,” he said with a laugh.

“So it’ll be fine, whatever, or whoever, it is,” Merlin said.

“I’m telling you, it’s not a ‘who’,” Arthur insisted. “Or maybe it is, but not in the way you— ugh.” He paused, trying to collect his thoughts, his heart still racing over the implications of Merlin’s earlier confession. “It’s… you remember a few months ago when we were in the pub? And you saw that girl you said was gagging for sex or somesuch? Because your magic was fizzing?”

“Yes…?” Merlin said, making it a question and dragging the word out as if he didn’t quite actually recall.

“You said you felt like you were swimming in Fanta, like the absolute child you are,” Arthur said, trying to jog his memory.

“I’m going to be honest with you, mate, I kind of feel like that a lot when I’m in pubs, considering so many people are there to pull,” Merlin laughed, ignoring Arthur’s insult.

“You said it was especially strong— never mind, I guess it isn’t that important.” Arthur wanted to kick Merlin for making this more difficult, but he knew he was equally to blame for not having the bollocks to actually have a conversation with him before things blew up in his face. “What I’m trying to say is, that night you explained to me that your magic can sense lust, or horniness, or whatever.”

“Right,” Merlin said. “Is that what this is about? You got weird about my magic?” The tentativeness of his voice reminded Arthur of when Merlin first confessed his magic to him, worried that he’d hate him or think him a freak, and it made Arthur want to take him into his arms and soothe away his insecurities, but he stayed put on his side of the sofa.

“No!” Arthur exclaimed. “Not really. I got weird about… my feelings for you.” He looked down at his lap, picking at a loose bit of fluff on his sweatpants and ignoring the terrifying feeling of butterflies in his stomach. No matter how old he got, confessing his feelings never got any easier. Arguably it got worse, considering he’d never felt for anyone what he felt for Merlin.

“You have feelings for me?” Merlin asked, eyebrows drawing together and creating an adorable little wrinkle that Arthur wanted to kiss when he looked up to see Merlin’s reaction.

“I have for a long time, now,” Arthur admitted. “And I was afraid that you’d feel how much I wanted you, after you told me you could feel things like that with your magic.”

“You’re such a prat,” Merlin said, leaning over to punch Arthur’s arm. “And stupid! And a cabbagehead! I can’t believe you!”

“I beg your pardon?” Arthur asked, offended that his heartfelt confession had been met with insults, even if it was very on-brand for Merlin.

“You’re telling me you’ve been pining away in secret for me for _years_ , and instead of, I don’t know, _doing something about it like an adult_ , you decide to start acting weird and pulling away? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” Merlin exclaimed. Arthur scowled at him.

“Hey, you never said anything either, and you’ve apparently been pining for nearly as long as me. So doesn’t that make you just as idiotic?? And anyway, why should I be the one to do anything?” Arthur asked, crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest.

“I never said I was smart!” Merlin said, throwing his arms into the air. “And when have you ever backed away from any challenge in your life? Why would this be different??”

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, you arsehole!” Arthur said, frustrated.

“That’s well and good, but you nearly did anyway!” Merlin glared at him.

Arthur was about to retort, getting himself worked up for another one of their fights, but he paused and gave Merlin an intent look. Merlin’s cheeks were pinked with agitation, he was biting his lip and his blue eyes had gone dark, the way he imagined they would at the height of passion. And oh how he loved how Merlin looked when they fought, all frenetic movement and fervid energy. It was one of the reasons Arthur had picked so many fights with him in the past, since seeing Merlin that way stoked a dark, barely-controlled inferno of need that lived deep in Arthur’s soul. At that thought, something clicked in place for him.

This was foreplay for them. Foreplay that had lasted almost a decade. And surely Merlin had felt his lust in every fight they’d ever had.

“You’re absolutely right, Merlin,” Arthur said, pitching his voice low and untucking his leg from beneath him so he could crawl across the sofa in a predatory manner that probably would have set the two of them laughing at the corniness of it if not for the heavy atmosphere of expectation that had enveloped them. “I don’t back down from challenges.”

“That’s right, so why— Arthur?” Merlin was still wound up for a fight until he saw Arthur prowling toward him. He put his hand on Merlin’s knee, slipping it up his thigh and flicked his tongue over his own lower lip to wet it in anticipation.

“And you’re right that I’ve been stupid. I was embarrassed when I realised you could probably feel my lust when we were together. But me knowing that you could feel it doesn’t change anything. And trying to control it only made it worse. Or better, depending on your point of view.” Arthur invaded Merlin’s personal space even further, brushing the tip of his nose against Merlin’s, who blinked back at him in confusion over the turn things had taken.

“This seems better to me,” Merlin said faintly. Arthur grinned.

“My point is,” he continued, his tongue flicking out again this time to taste Merlin’s lower lip and drawing a startled noise from him, “the point is…” Arthur moved his hand from Merlin’s thigh to cup his groin, massaging his cock through his trousers gently and smirking when he felt it was already at least half hard. “I’m not sure I have a point,” he finally admitted after an extended expectant silence.

Merlin laughed through a stifled moan at Arthur’s statement. “Typical, all bluster and no substance,” he said, gasping when Arthur rubbed his cock more firmly, his hips lifting to encourage him to keep going. “Are you going to kiss me or not?”

Arthur, taking the snarky question for the invitation it so clearly was, captured Merlin’s lips in the sort of kiss he had been dreaming about for so long. Their mouths fit together as if they were corresponding puzzle pieces, perfectly slotting into place as tongues tangled together and breaths mingled in heated pants. Arthur hoped the buzzing pleasure he felt in his own head was echoed in Merlin’s magic, and as he bit Merlin’s lip while pulling back, he flashed him a cheeky grin.

“What do you say we take this to my bedroom and find out what other interesting things your magic can do?”

Merlin grinned, the bright grin Arthur had been missing for far too long, and shoved Arthur off him, standing and heading toward Arthur’s room. Arthur stood, pausing just long enough to shut the telly off before chasing Merlin, a ridiculous smile of his own unable to be suppressed.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear what you thought!!


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